Notes From A Recovering Empath (Part One)

“The trick is to observe, not absorb.” -Daniel Goleman

I have over-identified with the pain of others for as long as I can remember. I could rarely articulate what I thought or wanted; I was an empath, deeply attuned to the needs, reactions, and emotions of other people-and asleep to my own.

I disappeared into relationships. I contorted to fit the wavering desires of those I loved. And I slowly vanished.

I became a ghost; I disappeared into other people, and in doing so, became a stranger to myself.

So like any good empath, I dove into ministry. I pursued a healing profession. I built relationships around other people’s desires and needs— and ignored my own. I maintained zero boundaries. I couldn’t articulate what I wanted out of my own life.

A few big regrets mixed with the quarter-life crisis of my late 20s landed me in an overstuffed chair in my counselor’s office. Digging deeply into my emotional dirt over the years since has (hopefully) led to a path of spiritual/emotinal maturity that comes with doing the hard work.

Now? I am still a work in progress, but on my better days, I no longer live from the shadow side of empathy. And this shift has changed me.

I thought I was becoming cynical and cranky. No, I was becoming myself. I no longer carry that which is not mine, but still hold space to multiply the joys and divide the sorrows of others.

I can bear the burdens of others with them- but no longer for them. The anger and sadness of others remain hard to bear, but they no longer end me.

Saying no is now a gift I give to myself to protect my yes. I accept people and reality as they are-not as I wish them to be.

In protecting my peace and stewarding the treasure of my heart, I can live and work from a place of overflow, rather than need.

No longer driven by the need to react to or fix the problems of others, I can pause. Rest. Breathe. Listen. Listen to God, His word, and listen to myself.

True connection has replaced performance. Work is rooted in rest, rather than hustle. The noise of the soul is quieted by peace. And now, I have the energy to show up and love others well, while remaining present to my own life. And that is a beautiful thing.

We will dig deeper and continue the conversation in part two. I hope you find it helpful.